Random Shizz

“He broke up with you, right? After telling you he loved you and calling you pet names like baby and cutie? Yeah, I know he lavished you in compliments, only to put himself down so you would stroke his fake low ego. Did he tell you that you were beautiful? I bet he promised you a personalized song. Or maybe he’d always mention how he was lying in bed and wished you were there. He dragged “I love you” out of you, didn’t he? Yeah, don’t deny it. He would talk to you last thing at night and first thing in the morning. He constantly mentioned losing sleep over you, every night, but we both know he slept like a rock. He made you love pictures that were just sort of “bleh” before. Did you delete those pictures after he broke your heart? Yeah, me too. All of your friends hate him now, don’t they? Remember how happy they were for you? They warned you. Just remember, it’s okay to cry. And referring to him as “asshole” is perfectly expected. Because, trust me, you’ll end up talking about him just as often, if not more, than before the break up. There will be the “one time”s and the “I remember”s, and once you think you’re over him, watch out. You better keep your eyes closed in the hallways, because I promise you, the next time you see him, he’ll be all over some other girl. A little part of you will want to warn her, but nobody will blame you for hating her and for blaming her for your pain. Yeah, you’ll compare all guys to him, because aside from the man-whorish, heart-breaker thing, he was perfect. He was everything you had ever wanted. Or maybe you made that up. Maybe, the second he started to show interest, you made up this perfect guy in your head, and he just happened to be just like him. Listen, you will find the perfect guy for you just like everybody says you will, and it will be soon. Okay, so I didn’t believe it either, but I’m starting to.The most important thing though is don’t let him know he hurt you. Don’t let him know he could have you back in a heartbeat. Don’t give him that satisfaction. Make him think you’re completely happy. When he decides to wave at you like nothing ever happened, wave back, sure. But don’t smile. Make him think he meant as little to you, as you obviously meant to him.” - Via Strawberrytelle

Four years ago, I was excited and at the same time a bit scared for I will be facing a new journey – college life. I could still remember my first night in Baguio. I was crying like hell because it was my first time to be apart from my family. Hindi ako marunong magluto, hindi ako sanay maglaba, hindi ako sanay magplantsa, hindi ako sanay mag-jeep. Sht. Pa’no ko mabubuhay mag-isa?

I admit, ang yabang ko nung nakapasa ako sa UP (University of the Philippines). UP yan eh. Pero at the same time I was scared. What if I couldn’t make it? What if may maibagsak ako? What if… What if…

Nung pumapasaok na’ko I realized na hindi ka pala dapat maging mayabang kung nakapasa at nakapasok ka na sa UP. Dahil dito, lahat may taglay na talino. Kung akala mo ang galing-galing mo na nung high school, akala mo lang pala ‘yon. Dahil dadating at dadating sa point na feeling mo ang tanga-tanga mo. Dadating at dadating sa point na hihilingin mong makapasa, kahit makapasa lang, sakto na. Dito, ang kakumpitensya mo ay ang sarili mo at hindi ang kapwa mo estudyante. Walang ibang makakatulong sayo para makalabas (ng buhay) kundi ang sarili mo. Madalas hindi na importante ang grade dahil tres (3) lang, maglulupasay ka na sa tuwa. Hindi na rin importante kung ilang beses mo nakuha ang certain subject (lalo na kung Math, [at Econ106 at Econ131 kung Econ ka]). Kahit na nag-umpisa ka sa Math11 at nakarating ka na ng Math33 kaka-ulit, walang kaso yun. Ang mas importante ay mapasa mo ito at maka-graduate —- on time or in time, basta maka-graduate. Ikaw ang gagawa ng sarili mong schedule pero ang diwata ng CRS (Computerized Registration System) pa rin ang may final “say.” Walang uniform which is both a blessing and a curse. At higit sa lahat, hindi lang nakakulob sa apat na sulok ng silid-aralan ang mga natutunan mo sa UP. Iminimulat ka nito sa mga isyu sa loob at labas ng paaralan; sa mga kalupitan ng buhay; sa mga chismis na dati naman ay wala kang kaalam-alam; at sa mga ‘bukas-isipan’ na mga opinyon at pananaw.

Pumasok (mapipilitan ka talaga kahit boring ang prof mo dahil pag umabsent ka, mas malamang na next meeting hindi mo na maiintindihan ang lesson nyo dahil nasa ibang dimension na sila ng mundo. Asahan mo yan). Mag-cram sa pagrereview sa exams at paggawa ng papers (minsan pinaghahandaan din naman). Tumambay. Kain sa upper canteen na ang offer ay chicken o manok, pwede rin naman sa lower canteen kung trip mo mag-“guess that viand” game. (At naabutan kop ala ang lowest canteen). Akyat-baba sa abortion stairs. Rampa sa catwalk. Dumaan sa stairway to heaven. Matulog sa library. Pumila ng mahaba sa photocopy section. Bumili kay Manang Mani. Magpaload kay Manong Load. Chismisan sa  hallway ng JL. Freshie Night. Tagis-Lakas. Pasiklaban. College Week. Other events. Group meet sa lobby. Handshake sa orgmates. Abutin ng gabi dahil sa org meets. Stalk kay crush. Kumain sa extension canteen ng UP (which is SM, McDo particularly). Ma-stress pag hell week. At makanood ng oblation run. —- that’s UP life for me. And I’m sure, marami pa ako hindi nasabi.

Days easily passed. On the 20^th of April, I will reap the fruit of my ‘four-year’ labor. Until now, I find it hard to believe that ‘that four years’ is already over. Sleepless nights, stressful days, month-long instant foods and fastfood chain hopping finally paid off. Well of course, I wouldn’t be able to accomplish all the academic (and organization) requirements and responsibility with a happy heart without the people who helped me in any way possible and who made my stay in UP Baguio worthwhile.

One page lang ang thesis acknowledgement, so please indulge me kung itutuloy ko dito ang mga gusto ko pang pasalamatan. Click here. :)

My sincere appreciation and deepest gratitude to the following people:

First and foremost I would like to thank my parents, Orly and Mileth, and the whole family for all the love, care and never-ending support, for listening to all my acad-related sentiments and for all the encouragements and pieces of advice. Thank you for being the best family, I definitely couldn’t ask for more.

To my sisters in the university, Desz, Vibel, Ivy and Francia, for helping me and supporting me every step of the way and for staying by my side no matter how moody I can get. For the priceless friendship and sisterhood.

To my thesis partner, Chris, for being patient, for bearing with my peevishness at times and for not giving up despite certain difficulties. For not just being a thesis partner, but for being a good and understanding friend (acads o kahit pa sa kalandian-related stuff, alam mo yan).

To all my friends especially Steven (hanggang sa law school, walang iwanan), Kempee (for all the random banats who can undoubtedly made my day), Winnie (for being so prompt and punctual, minsan nahihiya nako kasi parang uneven yung efforts sa group works pero joke lang kasi free-rider talaga ako. Chos.), and Ate Tine, Ana and Duday (who had been my housemates, companions, and eating buddies at times for three years).

To my newly-found family in the university, Babes Dada, Babes Kristian and Brent (who are my eating buddies most of the times especially during the latter part of my fourth year days), Ate Ja,Ludy and Norie.

To my other family, Jho, Kep, Zhe and Norie. Despite the distance, you guys know that I do really love y’all kahit na lagi nyo akong binu-bully. I miss our food trips and all-night long kwentuhan/chismisan sessions. I hope to see y’all real soon.

To the Economics Society people, for the initiatives and cooperation thereby making our tasks easier. Also, for great send-off party. Thank you guys. I will surely miss y’all.

To my all my instructors and professors, especially my professors in DEPS, whom I am all indebted not only for the shared academic knowledge and insights but also for the inspirational thoughts and messages that serve as my guiding principles. To Prof. Gladys Cruz and to Dr. Ali Ciencia (my two all-time favorite professors), for all the motivations and words of wisdom.

To my thesis adviser, Dr. Achilles Costales, for being kind and considerate, for the unselfish insights and support.

To LJ, for the friendship/companionship, love and happiness. Mmttll.

And to the one above us all, GOD, for answering all my prayers and for giving me strength to continue to despite the hardships I went through. Without Him, I wouldn’t be able to accomplish all these.

And to the names I failed to mention.